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/// HEARD IT THROUGH THE HOPVINE
 
JUNE/JULY 2000 » BACK TO HOPVINE INDEX
 
HEARD IT THROUGH THE HOPVINE
Why are July and December the biggest months for homicides? Thought you’d never ask. Seems that the people most likely to kill you are your relatives, friends and drinking associates. Go ahead, look around you. Killers everywhere. Naturally, you tend to be with them more in July and December than in other months. Feel better now?…

The grain in Spain stays mainly in the plains. However, the barley grown in England’s spooky and still unexplained crop-circle fields (aliens?) is now being utilized in a new beer from a Colorado native by the name of Dudley Cates. He calls his strange but true new brew Crop Circle Beer. The X-Files may not have it, but some specialty stores will by June…

Pressing Beer Engagement: Darrell Moore, 30, was jailed without bail on suspicion of murder in the death of his 32-year-old wife, Bonita. Seems the 350-pound man, who had been fighting with his wife over her beer drinking, now stands accused of suffocating her by lying on her for up to 15 minutes. Officers found her unconscious on the living room floor of the couple's apartment. There was no indication as to what kind of beer she was out buying…

The nonsensical association made by our government that an increase in beer taxes leads to decreased teenage gonorrhea leads me to suggest a new bumpersnicker: BEER TODAY, GONORRHEA! Alan Moen czechs in with his take on teen drinking: the Great American novel, "From Beer to Maternity." Alan’s contribution on the subject of potential bumper strips: DRIVE ME TO DRINK! Everyone likes a challenge, Alan…

If you're Jewish and felt a bit saucy about the Biblically mandated Passover beer drought, there's a very enthusiastic review of the newest HE'BREW, “the Chosen Beer” creation, Messiah Stout, in Playboy On-Line. Check it out — for the articles, silly. Playboy called the Messiah Stout “delicately delicious.” They know about such things…

Thanks to Tom Schlafly of the Saint Louis Brewery for submitting the following from the front page of The New York Times of April 19: “I think we can be quite definite that Pakistan has the largest heroin population,” said Bernard Frahi, who heads the United Nations drug program office for South and West Asia. “Indeed, a ban on alcohol is commonly cited as a reason for Pakistan's heroin problem. In 1979, as part of his so-called Islamization program, the military dictator Mohammed Zia ul-Haq declared drinking to be a 'heinous crime,' punishable by public flogging. For many, drugs became the substitute for drinks."…

Speaking of Islam, Schlafly also notes that National Public Radio had a story on "Morning Edition" about Utah's new vigor in prosecuting polygamy. “If my theory is correct, that intolerance for alcohol is often linked with tolerance for polygamy (as in some Islamic countries), perhaps Utah will now lighten up even more with respect to alcohol! The state certainly doesn't need a lot of heroin addicts on its hands, with the winter Olympics coming.” Thanks, Tom…

A reader from Wales, U.K., forwards the following note: “On 30 January 1894 the sailing ship Loch Shiel of Glasgow was shipwrecked in Milford Haven, Pembrokeshire. Last year divers from Adventurous Divers Club, Swansea, Wales, U.K., recovered some Glasgow beer bottles — still corked and full. As the diver surfaced, one of the beer bottle corks popped. Seeing this, I grabbed the bottle and drank it. I have been ordered by the Club committee not to drink any more.” — signed, Jim Phillips (the diver who is not allowed to drink any more 105-year-old beer, by order of the committee). So, Jim, what the hell did the beer brewed in Glasgow in late 1893 taste like? “It tasted sour, gone off, not very nice. Beer has a life of about five to eight years, and this had gone well past its sell-by date!” Thanks, Jim…

The staid New Yorker magazine seems to be losing it a tad under its new editor. A recent cartoon had a publisher talking to a hopeful writer, saying, “Funny, funny, funny, but we’re going to pass on ‘How to Drink and Drive.’”…

The recent roast for Michael Jackson in Philadelphia introduced many to some great new beers from the region. Loved the Victory (great pilsner!) and Dogfish Head. They are sort of the Hair of the Dog for the East, no? If they combined, would it be “Hair of the Dogfish Head Brewery"?

Hundreds of brewers and other members of the American brewing industry will gather on the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art on Saturday, July 1, 2000, at 2:00 p.m. for the first-ever American Brewers Rally. Drawing from the spirit of independence and revolution that the city of Philadelphia represents, attendees will use the rally to launch American Beer Month, a month-long celebration of the pride and heritage of American brewing. The brainchild of a meeting of state brewers guilds at last year’s GABF in Denver, American Beer Month is designed to support and promote American beer — all of it! So, for the month of July, put down that Corona, stand back from that Heineken, get back from that Beck’s. Drink American! (I may harbor a small Belgian in the closet… Oh, hello, Pierre…)

Tanks for the Memory: Sadly, closed last month is 20 Tank Brewery on 11th, across the street from Slim's, in San Francisco’s waaay too trendy SoMa (South of Market) district. The Tank tanks, even though the brewpub was doing great — but not great enough for a 350 percent rent increase due to the dot.com gentrification of the area. We will miss the Pollywanna Porter and all the other gloriously named brews of the Tank's past. Do not go gentry into that good night… So, how's my PPPR (pun per paragraph ratio)?

 

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