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JUNE/JULY 2002 » BACK TO HOPVINE INDEX
 
HEARD IT THROUGH THE HOPVINE
Philip Morris, those wonderful folks who bring us tobacco, Miller beer and Kraft “foods” have decided the corporate name needs, er, adjusting. After extensive marketing and branding research, they chose Altria Group. Almost sounds altruistic, donut? Then to find out that there already is a company out there called Altria. Naturally, PM execs sicced their extensive and highly paid legal forces on the tiny company, proving how right might can be. There’s going to be quite a scene when that corporate karma comes home to party…

Your Tax Dollars at Work Dept.: The University of Texas at Arlington is doing research to develop a sensor that could be installed in cars that would alert police if even faint alcohol vapors were in the air and give your GPA location. “Honest, officer, I was just recycling all these beer cans!” Civil liberties folks may have a problem with the plan, but MADD moms are already on record as liking the idea a lot. “We’re not as concerned with the legalities,” a local chapter head said. Saddam and other dictators are little concerned with “legalities” also. Does anyone remember when you were innocent until proven guilty? Saddam shame, I say…

Longtime reader, longertime friend Bob Atkinson checks in with the story of Sir Titus Salt, a Victorian landowner with definite ideas about the evils inherent in the publick house. His village would have no pubs because Titus felt they were dens of drunkenness and debauchery. Mind you, Sir Titus was happy to provide beer for his workers and was said to have at least four mistresses and countless illegitimate children — but no pubs. His village is present-day Bradford, and the Wetherspoon chain has opened a new 1.5 million pound pub/hostelry there called — you guessed it — Sir Titus Salt! Bob is delighted to note that Sire Salt married an Atkinson all those many years ago. He’s Titus can be, that guy...

When megastar Russell Crowe was in San Francisco recently, he brought some 80 staffers, road crew and MMEs (miscellaneous members of entourage) to the swanky Clift Hotel after his show to hang. Crowe ate from the bar menu and drank Coronas, his third choice after requesting Henry Weinhard and Coors in a can, which the swanky Clift doesn’t offer. Could this be why this Aussie is so often described as cranky?…

Our friends at Ardent Spirits, a website devoted to spiritus fermenti and great cocktails, had a contest recently to find a collective noun for bartenders. You got your flock of geese, pod of whales, pride of lions, etc. Dale DeGroff came up with one that now seems obvious: a Gratuity of Bartenders. Ray Foley of Bartender Magazine suggested a Swallow of Bartenders, and Jack Robertiello from Cheers magazine offered a Concoction of Bartenders. Kim in Arizona thought about suggesting a Belch of Bartenders, until she came up with the eventual winner… a Quench of Bartenders! And do remember to tip the Quench handsomely…

A Michigan state senator started a project in 1999 designed to rid the state of irrelevant, unnecessary and just plain stupid laws. Among those getting the boot from the books were basket weaving regulations set in 1917, a 10-cent bounty on rat heads, and a ban on using former presidents to sell beer. We hope Michigan brewers will take full advantage of this new opportunity. Reagan Red, Carter Kölsch, Bush… well, let’s not go there…

A psychology student is reported to have become the first person in Britain to suffer Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI) because he drinks too much, according to the London Daily Mail. The 26-year-old named Matt says he has been ordered to wear a wrist support on his right arm and hold his pints in his left hand. He says he drinks six pints of Boddingtons four nights a week and hopes to return to painfree drinking in time for the World Cup. “My wrist had been hurting for about 10 months, and I had no idea what it was. I couldn’t believe it when they diagnosed RSI. All my mates have been taking the mickey, but I suppose pint pots are quite heavy,” Matt said. Matt should know that researchers at Creighton University in Nebraska found that moderate alcohol consumption leads to stronger bones when you’re older. “Alcohol reduces the factors that cause bone loss,” says Prema Rapuri, Ph.D., the study author. Rapuri found that seniors with the highest bone density drank two to four servings of alcohol each week! Let’s get out there and get dense bones!!! (Thanks, Kurt Epps)

Full Sail Never Smelled So Sweet Dept.: An Oregon rose grower liked the beer so much he named a rose after it. The Full Sail Rose, from Edmunds’ Roses of Wilsonville, Ore., features a frothy display of billowy white bloom with contrasting dark green foliage and an intense, heady fragrance. When asked what inspired the name, Phil Edmunds replied, “We were discussing the naming of the rose over a Full Sail Amber or two, and decided we liked the beer so much, we would name a rose after it.” A Full Sail by any other name would smell as sweet…

Professor George Bamforth, a brewing scientist from the University of California at Davis, documented the role beer plays in a balanced diet in the January-February issue of the online scientific journal called Nutritional Research. Bamforth notes that the ancient Egyptians used beer for many purposes in addition to drinking. The ancient Egyptians used beer as a mouthwash, a wound healer and an enema. Please note that all the ancient Egyptians are dead…

 

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