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OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2015 » BACK TO HOPVINE INDEX
 
HEARD IT THROUGH THE HOPVINE
The Heineken Maneuver: Lagunitas Brewery did the deal with Heineken for 50 percent of its stock. Let the skunk jokes begin… Lagunitas founder Tony Magee invoked Nietzsche in justifying his decision. Really? Maybe Ayn Rand, we’re thinking. After all, she had the more formidable moustache. Can’t wait for the Lagunitas Pils in the new green bottle with a skunk where the dog used to be. Well, Lagunitas is the sponsor of the annual Skunk Train, ya know. How’s that for prescient? And soon… Little Stinkin’ Stinkin’? (And thanks, Gail Ann Williams)…

Talk about the contributions of science: Heineken has developed beer bottles in Amsterdam with a GPS system that guides drinkers through a series of locations throughout the city, with the tour ending at the Heineken Experience, the brewer’s visitors center that attracts 730,000 people a year. According to the press release, the GPS bottles have a built-in compass mechanism. Once the visitor starts walking, the bottle vibrates and the cap lights up red and swivels to point out the route to follow, with all roads leading to the Heineken Experience. (No, we did not hear about this from Tony Magee, honest.) Would you follow a vibrating beer bottle in Amsterdam? Silly question…

When state Fish and Wildlife agents in Baker Lake, Wash., recently found a black bear passed out on the lawn of Baker Lake Resort, there were some clues scattered nearby — dozens of empty cans of Rainier Beer, according to an AP report. The bear apparently got into campers’ coolers and used its claws and teeth to puncture the cans. And not just any cans. “He drank the Rainier and wouldn’t drink the Busch beer,” said Lisa Broxson, bookkeeper at the campground east of Mount Baker. The bearish beer connoisseur consumed about 36 cans of Rainier (known on the West Coast as Green Death) and climbed a nearby tree to sleep it off. The bear was finally captured (humanely) with a trap baited with doughnuts, honey and… two open cans of Rainier beer…

The drought in California is so severe that no solution is considered too far-fetched, not even using recycled toilet water to irrigate the nation’s most prestigious wine grapes in the Napa Valley. Brewers have also used recycled wastewater for brewing. Let’s just call it effluent for the affluent. Wine guys get Chateau la Poo, while we enjoy our I Pee Freely IPA… Now there’s a machine on the market that wants to be a beer drinker’s best friend. It’s called Fizzics, and it claims to make your store-brought beer taste better. The countertop contraption uses science in the form of oscillation and high-frequency sound waves to create a “dense, long-lasting head and consistent carbonation.” To use the machine — which is battery-powered and portable — users put a full can, bottle or growler of beer inside the device. They then insert a tube into the beer before closing the top. Within moments, the beer will pressurize and oscillate. To serve, users flip the tap forward to dispense beer and then flip the tap back to layer on thick foam. The suggested price for this miracle of brewing intervention is $199…

Police arrested a man caught on surveillance video smashing his SUV into a Lucky 7 food store in Bakersfield, Calif. His goal? Why, beer, of course! “The value of the five cans of beer he took was probably $5,” Lucky 7 store manager Eli Kardouh told ABC News. The damage was estimated at well into the thousands of dollars. The man was arrested to ultimately be confronted with the cost ineffectiveness of his exploit…

Clever Crooks Cop Kegs for Kegger: Three New Jersey teens from Middlesex County allegedly stole $1,000 worth of beer kegs from behind a Riverdale restaurant. The trio had planned to bring beer to a lake party and saw the kegs as an opportunity. A minor flaw in the plan was the fact that the kegs were empty. The teens must have thought it was light beer… The Beer-eakfast of Champions? General Mills, maker of the iconic Wheaties, is teaming up with a local craft brewery to make HefeWheaties. No, really. We do not make this stuff up, ya know…

Next month, Cape May Brewing Company will release a special beer that commemorates the papal visit to Washington, New York and Philadelphia. It’s called YOPO. That stands for “You Only Pope Once.” Ask a teen if you still don’t get it. I guess they didn’t consider Holy Smoke Smoked Porter for Papa?… A chalkboard outside the studios of radio station 102.1, the Edge, in Toronto said, “Education is important, but beer is importanter.” And thanks, Dan Rabin… It was none other than the late beer guru Fred Eckhardt who once said, “I always wanted to be a writer… and now I are one.” We miss you, Fred…
 

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