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OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2017 » BACK TO HOPVINE INDEX
 
HEARD IT THROUGH THE HOPVINE
Big Beer Chasing Millennials Dept.: With flop sweat dripping from Big Beer’s marketing brow, MillerCoors is trying a desperate half-court score with a fruit-tinged light beer in an effort to capture the elusive millennial drinkers. Called Two Hats, the beer will be available in pineapple and lime flavors. Geez, didn’t Bud Light Lime come out quite a few years ago? The beer giant’s move highlights the degree to which craft brewing has spooked the entire industry. Seems to me the geniuses at Budweiser ran two consecutive Super Bowl ads mocking beer snobs. In its 2016 spot, the Bud ad said its beer is not a fruit cup. So, how about a nice fruit cup of beer?… Big Beer seems intent on producing beer that doesn’t taste like beer. Good plan…

“Would you like for me to hold your beer?” offered a witness. “No, I got this,” said the true, honest-to-goodness Florida Man atop a camo-print ATV at the bottom of a swimming pool. He didn’t put down the beer to drive his four-wheeler through the house and drive it into the backyard pool. However, doing backwards wheelies in the pool is a pretty good reason to set the beer down. He needs both hands for that. He did more stunts on his Can-Am while he was waiting for Hurricane Irma to show up. Anderson Cooper, you missed this, buddy. Your kind of story…

Police in Horry County, S.C. (that’s not the item) released dash-cam video showing a local mayor driving his lawn mower down the middle of the road with an open container of beer. Officers said they pulled over the mayor of Aynor, John Gardner, because he was swerving the mower all over the road. “You have an open container of Miller Lite. You were drinking going down the road,” one officer said to Gardner. Naturally, cooler heads prevailed, and Gardner was not charged. Bet that’s happened to you, right?…

Denver’s Westword reports that Dive Bar Brewing is making a light American lager for Denver, and the owners will knock it out of your hand if you try to sniff it. “The whole idea is to drink the beer your dad drank after he mowed the lawn,” says Tom Flanagan, a longtime marketing industry specialist who teamed up with three friends to start Dive Bar. “We want to be the PBR of the craft beer industry.” Well, it’s good to have goals. The beer, called Nice Dart American Lager, is modeled after PBR and the rest of the cheap, easy-drinking lager brands that are found in dive bars from coast to coast. “We want to win over the person who says, ‘Fuck craft beer,’” said the brewery. “It’s never bad to be new in a market that feels old.” Good idea. Let’s hope the mindless masses looking for mediocre malt don’t find out that PBR is still available…

Further evidence that Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin has no sense of humor Dept.: Rex Huppke of the Chicago Tribune saw a response from the arch conservative governor regarding his social media feed. Walker’s response was: “If you [liberal media] don’t like my Instagram, can I buy you a beer?” Walker tweeted a picture of a can of Miller Lite. Huppke thought, “Hey, I’m a pretty liberal dude. That should qualify me as ‘liberal media’ and score me a free beer.” He responded swiftly: “YES! I would like a beer. When should I meet you? Not kidding. You just offered me a beer. Hit me up.” No response from the governor. Huppke persisted: “Bromigo, you offer a liberal media dude a beer and then don’t respond when he says ‘Beer me’? Not cool. C’mon, @ScottWalker. Holler back.” Still nothing. After Walker doubled down to the media by including cheese curds in the deal, Huppke replied, “YES! I love cheese curds. This keeps getting better. Please tell me when and where we can get our curds n’ beer on. #HuppkeWalkerBeerSummit.” Crickets from the governor. Huppke then drove to Wisconsin, hoping to have a conversation with the governor on his sweeping use of the term “liberal media.” Huppke wrote, “I bought myself a bottle of Miller Lite and some cheese curds and thought about what could have been.” Bottom line: Huppke got a column out of this but no satisfaction from the governor. “You owe me $3.50 for the beer, governor. I saved the receipt.” Man, what some reporters will do for a free beer…
 

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